UNBEARLIEVABLE!
by Roxius
Summary: P4. Now a bunch of random Persona 4-related crack drabbles in every chapter starting from chapter 3! Rated for some jokes regarding sexual activites. Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Atlus, but I own a copy of Persona 4!

ALSO, I REQUIRE REVIEWS TO TELL ME HOW I'M DOING AND HOW I CAN IMPROVE, AS WELL AS REVIEWS KEEP ME INFLUENCED TO ACTUALLY CONTINUE WRITING, BECAUSE THERE'S NO POINT IN WRITING IF NO ONE'S GOING TO COMMENT ON IT!

Expect a hell of alot of P4 fics coming up at random intervals, some yuri, some het and some crack...all at once, sometimes!!!

Please check out my P4 tribute slideshow videos on Youtube as well!! My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

"TODAY IS THE DAY, YOSUKE!!!"

"INDEED IT IS, SOUJI!!!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO!!!"

"RIGHT!!!"

Donning a large tortoise shell, Yosuke got on all fours, and then Souji sat cross-legged on top of him, wearing nothing but a red toga and a fake handlebar moustache. He was also smoking a tobacco pipe with a little smiley-face sticker on the side.

"NOW, MY FEARLESS COMPADRE," Souji bellowed, "MARCH...ONWARD!!"

"Aye, aye, sir!!" Yosuke cried, and he began to drag himself across the ground, struggling to support the weight of both the shell and his friend.

They had only gotten about halfway through town, when they came across Chie and Yukiko, who were holding hands and talking about what they should name their future science babies.

"I really think Elizabeth and Siegfried are best..." Yukiko explained.

"That's way too complicated!" Chie snapped, "Besides, those are english names! We should name them...Hikaru and Hikari!!"

"THOSE ARE TOO DAMN SIMILIAR!!!"

"HEY, I'M A SIMPLE-MINDED PERSON!!! YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!!"

"Ahh...hello there, my dear lesbian friends..." Souji greeted the two girls, bowing to them deeply.

"Oh, hey, Souji-kun..." Chie nodded, but then she realized what they were doing, "What the FOUCK are you two doing?"

Souji and Yosuke both thought about it for a while.

"...We're not sure actually," they replied in unison, and then they quickly put on their usual clothes and were back to normal.

Suddenly, Shadow Yosuke walked by. "Hey, guys...wassup? I'm just out on a walk, getting some fresh air, and maybe a phallic corndog to suck on...y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Yosuke gasped, and cried, "YOU'RE...YOU'RE NOT M-"

"DON'T FUCKIN' SAY IT, YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING DUMBASS!!!!" Souji screamed, and he bashed Yosuke across the face with a frying pan.

"But...but that guy is definitely not m-"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!! I'M NOT FIGHTING THAT STUPID GAY-ASS FROG BITCH AGAIN!!!!"

"I thought you liked fighting it..." Yosuke whimpered, tears pouring down his face in a comedic fashion.

"I DON'T LIKE FIGHTING GAY THINGS!!!"

"Hey, I like fighting gay things!!" Yukiko spoke up.

Souji, Yosuke and Chie all glared at her. "WE KNOW."

"Well, if we're gonna find some REAL lesbians," Souji pointed out, "We'll need to go to a religious all-girl's school!!!"

"...Was I supposed to laugh?"

Souji gasped and fell onto his hands and knees in despair.

* * *

Over at the police station, Dojima was busy playing an illegal copy of Persona 4 on his PSP...which he stole.

Running up behind him, Adachi cried, "HEY, BOSS, GUESS WHAT?! I'M ACTUALLY THE VILLA-"

"DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME!!!"

"...I'LL EAT YOU WITH MY SHADOW POWERS..."

"MOTHER OF MARY, YOU JUST SPOILED THE GAME'S CONCLUSION FOR ME WITH YOUR SUBTLE HINTS!! WHY, YOU LITTLE-"

In a Simpsons-like fashion, Dojima wrapped his hands around Adachi's neck and began strangling him.

* * *

Naoto Shirogane was never one to ask questions that regarded herself, but she couldn't help but bring it up as she was (forcibly) shopping for shoes with Kanji Tatsumi and Rise Kujikawa.

"Do I...look like a man?" Naoto asked sheepishly.

Kanji and Rise didn't even waste a second having to think it over. "Yes, you do."

"Does it make me seem...kinda like a dyke?"

"...Should we answer that question truthfully, or should we lie?"

"...Please lie..."

"Yes, you do."

"THAT WAS A LIE?!!!"

* * *

Teddie was just standing around, doing nothing as usual, when he felt an itch down by his crotch. Reaching down, he scratched at it...and then he felt something.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!! UN-BEAR-LIEVABLE!!!...Un-bear-lievable? WHO DA FUCK CAME UP WITH THAT SHIT?!!"

It was...Shadow Yosuke's corndog, if you will take that interpretation to heart.

* * *

"HEY, SOUJI, I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORN!!!"

"THAT'S YOU AND ME, YOSUKE...SODOMY..."

"....OH MY GOD!!!!"

"...TOLD YA..."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Atlus, but I own a copy of Persona 4!

ALSO, I REQUIRE REVIEWS TO TELL ME HOW I'M DOING AND HOW I CAN IMPROVE, AS WELL AS REVIEWS KEEP ME INFLUENCED TO ACTUALLY CONTINUE WRITING, BECAUSE THERE'S NO POINT IN WRITING IF NO ONE'S GOING TO COMMENT ON IT!

Expect a hell of alot of P4 fics coming up at random intervals, some yuri, some het and some crack...all at once, sometimes!!!

Please check out my P4 tribute slideshow videos on Youtube as well!! My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Souji Seta and Yosuke Hanamura were sitting at a park bench, lying their heads on the table and being bored out of their pitiful AI minds.

"...Chie and Yukiko?" Souji asked.

"Out having hot lesbian sex. I set up a secret camcorder to tape it..." Yosuke replied.

"...Rise, Naoto and Kanji?" Souji asked.

"They're getting their nails done...and buying clothes...and getting make-up...and purchasing Viagra..." Yosuke replied.

"...Teddie?" Souji asked.

"Dude...you DON'T want to know!" Yosuke replied.

Souji raised his head and sighed. "You know," he said, "I can't believe everyone is actually too busy to hang out with us!! So what if we're a bit retarded...that shouldn't mean they should just ditch us! They're probably just jealous anyway!!!"

Yosuke stared at Souji for a few moments, and then asked, "...Since when the hell could you talk?"

An awkward silence befell the two of them.

* * *

Kanji and Naoto were just sitting around, waiting for Rise to finish trying on clothes, when the silver-haired badass realized something.

"I now know why this series has so much more fanart than Persona 3..."

"Why's that?"

Kanji's face became deadly serious. "ONE WORD...'GAY'."

Naoto thought about it for a moment, and then gasped, "HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE RIGHT!!!"

"It's basically an alternative way of saying that 'sex sells', which it does, by the way. The subtext between Chie and Yukiko...that cross-dressing contest we had to enter...your very androgynous appearance...and let's not forget my Shadow-self!!! This game is about as gay as it can get without actually saying the word 'gay' even once!!!!"

Naoto tapped her chin. "...But I'm not really gay..."

"FUCK YOU! I SAW YOU STARING AT RISE'S ASS EARLIER!!!" Kanji snapped, and the conversation ended there.

"...She has a cute ass..."

"I know..."

* * *

"GIANT ROBOTS!!!"

"FUCK YEAH!!!!"

"That's the last time we let you watch Gundam, Teddie..."

"FUCK YEAH!!!"

"STOP IT!!!"

* * *

Dojima let out a sigh as he finally sat down on the couch.

'It was alot of hard work today...what with strangling Adachi and all...' he thought to himself. That was when he noticed a pair of glasses lying on the table.

"What the...? No one in this house wears glasses..." he murmured to himself as he picked them up. Shrugging his shoulders, Dojima snapped them in half and then threw it over his shoulder without a second thought.

'THE DYNAMO IS COMING!!!!!'


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei.

Now basically a bunch of random crack drabbles and parodies staring the P4 characters, similar to how my Code Geass crackfic 'You Got LuluRolled!' works out.

* * *

_He Was Just Using You:_

Before going off to the final battle, Souji decided to congratulate his teammates for all their help so far.

"Well, first I'd like to thank Chie, Yukiko, Naoto and Rise for allowing me to take your virginity...at the same time," Souji exclaimed, "And Yosuke, Kanji and Teddie for buying me all that free food during the days I wasted hanging out with you...THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!"

"...Is that it? No...no prize of monetary value or anything shitty like that??" Yosuke asked after a minute of silence.

Souji shrugged. "The only real reason I hung out with a bunch of losers like you guys was to increase my Soul Links, anyway..."

And with that, he ran off, leaving everyone a bit...perplexed...

--------

_Sexy Shabu-Shabu???:_

It was Christmas Eve, and Souji and Naoto were about to have sex for the first time.

"Alright!! Take it all off!!!" Souji demanded, practically drooling.

Naoto did as requested...and Souji's face fell.

Leaning closely, he squinted his eyes and muttered, "...What the hell is that thing you have down there?"

"What are you talking about?" Naoto asked.

"Oh my god, it's-" Suddenly, Souji's eyes widened, and he let out a high-pitched screech. Jumping up to his feet, he quickly tossed on all of his clothes and ran out the door, still screaming his head off.

The next day, Souji swore off women for good.

----------

_Adachi And The Izanami:_

"Gee, Izanami, what're we gonna do tonight?" Adachi asked, taking a bite out of his cabbage.

Izanami sneered. "The same thing we do every rainy night, Adachi...TRY TO TAKE OVER INABA!!!"

----------

_New Bedtime Story:_

Taking a seat beside Nanako's bed, Souji smiled sweetly and said to her, "Tonight, I've got a new story for you...THAT I WROTE WITH THE HELP OF MY BUDDIEZ!!!! :P"

"That's nice," Nanako replied with a nod, "But...remember, if it sucks...I'LL KILL YOU."

"Oh yeah...I forgot I'm not supposed to make it suck..."

"Just read it."

"But-"

"READ IT."

Souji sighed. "Alright...this is the story of Teddie the Pooh, a little blue-and-red bear who lives in a magical monster-infested world within the television. One day, he meets a boy from the human world, named Souji, and he introduces him to all of his friends within the TV world. There was Adachi the tiny piglet, Yosuke the Tigger, The Ever-Downtrodden Detective Prince Eeyoto, Yukiko Rabbit, Rise the Gopher, Chie-Roo and her drag-wearing father Kangi. They all had many happy adventures, fighting off evil demons and-"

"FUCK, THIS STORY SUCKS!!!" Nanako roared, and her right fist grew to an immense size and she sent Souji flying far off into the sky.

----------------

_Persona Idol:_

Yosuke Hanamura took in a deep breath as he stepped up onto the platform. It was finally his turn to audition for 'Persona Idol', one of the most popular shows in all of Japan, and he just knew he would make it...

Striking an awesome pose, Yosuke threw both his hands into the air and screamed, "PEEEEER...SONA!!!!!!"

Breathing heavily, he turned his gaze upon the three judges who would ultimately decide his fate: the ever-pleasant Rise Kujikawa, the only guy with worthwhile criticism, Kanji Tatsumi and...that bastard who always has nothing better to do than insult every contestant, Teddie.

Teddie covered his face with his hand and shook his head in disappointment. "Yosuke...THAT was the worst performance I'd ever SEEN..."

"Oh, you did so great!!! You're so good!!! You're so talented!!! You must be Jesus reborn!!! I WANT YOU TO HAVE MY BABIES!!!!" Rise giggled.

Kanji shrugged. "...It was awright..."

Yosuke really wasn't sure how to react to things he had totally expected to come out of their mouths...

-------------

_Smiles Are Evil:_

_  
_"Here's a cookie I bought for you, Naoto-kun," Souji said, holding out said cookie.

As the bluenette took it, the ends of her lips suddenly curved upwards, and Souji let out a high-pitched shriek.

"OH GOD, NAOTO-KUN IS SMILING!!!! IT'S THE END OF THE FUCKIN' WORLD!!!!"

Indeed, the world proceeded to erupt a few seconds later.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei.

A/N: Some things here are quite sexual, so please...deal with it. You got some raunchy, M-rated weird humor right here.

* * *

_Secret Lovers:_

"Wow, thanks for the ice cream, Namatame-san!" Yukiko exclaimed as she walked alongside the older man.

He smiled sheepishly and replied, "Ah heh heh...you're welcome, Yukiko-chan..."

Holding hands, the two of them stopped at a cross-road intersection...and they saw Adachi and Naoto walking towards them, talking excitedly while carrying grocery bags full to the brim with cabbages. The blue-haired girl and the police officer both froze in their tracks the moment they saw Yukiko and Namatame.

The four of them just stared at one another for a while...and then Souji came running by, carrying Izanami on his back like a piggy-back ride.

"NONE OF YOU...SAW ANYTHING," Souji ordered before he continued to run off into the distance.

Yukiko and Naoto decided to follow that rule, and kept walking with their secret lovers without saying another word...

* * *

_JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A BEAR!!!_

Teddie was hopping around on the sidewalk, wearing his bear suit, when a police car stopped in front of him. Two rather drunk-looking officers stepped out, and started opening fire on the poor bear. Obviously, the bullets had no effect, but it started to piss Teddie off when they kept shooting even AFTER they ran out of ammo.

"JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A BEAR!! GET IN THE CAR!!!" cried one of the officers in a slurred tone, and they quickly climbed back into the car and drove off down the wrong side of the road.

Teddie blinked a few times, and then flipped them the middle finger before skipping off.

* * *

_The True Violence-Lover:_

"OH GOD YES, TEAR OFF ITS ARMS!!! TEAR 'EM OFF AND EAT 'EM!!!" Rise screamed over the intercom(?) as Yosuke dug his blades into the enemy.

"OHHH...I WISH I COULD FEEL ITS PAIN RIGHT NOW!!! OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!" Rise moaned as Souji sliced another Shadow in half with his sword.

"KICK IT!! KILL IT!!! SMASH IT!!! PUNCH IT!!!! MAKE IT FEEL LIVING HELL!!! MAKE ME FEEL LIVING HELL!!! OH GOD, I'M COMING ALL OVER THE FLOOR, AND NAOTO'S LICKING IT UP!!!! FUUUUUCK YEAH..." Rise roared as Kanji bashed a Shadow over the head with a metal chair.

Souji turned to Kanji. "I think she likes violence alot more than you..."

"I concur," Kanji replied.

* * *

_Naoto's Nightmare:_

Sitting up in bed, Naoto let out a yawn, and glanced to her side; Souji Seta, her husband of 9 years, was still sleeping peacefully beside her.

Naoto smiled to herself, and climbed out of bed. As she did, she began to think of what to make the kids for breakfast that morning.

"Ah, I love my life..." she muttered to herself with a happy sigh.

---

"HOLY SHIT!!!" Naoto woke up with a start, and breathed heavily. She was in her own bed, still young, and not married.

'Oh god...what a nightmare I just had...I don't even know if I can go back to sleep now...ugh...I feel sick...'

* * *

_Teddie Watched Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged:_

"YOUR MOTHER PLAYS CARD GAMES IN HELL!!!"

"GASP! TEDDIE, HOW DARE YOU!!"

"...Well, it's true..."

* * *

_JEALOUS:_

"You're so cute, Nanako-chan!" Chie cooed.

"Aww, you're so sweet, Nanako-chan!" Yukiko exclaimed.

"You're so adorable, Nanako-chan..." Naoto purred.

"I love you so much in a friendly sort of way, Nanako-chan!" Rise cried.

"I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER EVEN BORN, NANAKO-CHAN, FOR BEING CUTER THAN ME..." Teddie snarled.


End file.
